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Sunday, December 20, 2009

Stop By And Feel Free To Bring A Gift To My Pity Party

Here's where my world is at right now:
Learning Resources 12-Inch Inflatable Globe
4 days a week I work midnight to 8am.
Those nights just happen to be the crappiest set of days I could work when it comes to the dynamics of my family. I leave my house at 11pm on Thursday night because the start of my shift is actually Friday.


I get off work Friday morning at 8am and head home only to sneak in the house quietly before Hootie hears me.

My brother. My brother....
My saving grace, is in college and doesn't have class on Friday
so he comes over and babysits so I can sleep.

I get up around the same time the big kids get home from school and have our normal life of dinner, homework, baths, and cleaning, until leaving the house again at 11pm to work my Saturday shift.

Here's where the chaos begins.

When I get home around 8:30am on Saturday morning, the children are just starting to stir and my sweet husband is trying to catch just 10 more minutes of sleep. (Which he deserves)

I put a load of laundry in, change the baby, start breakfast, straighten the kitchen, (because nobody cleans it like Mama cleans it) feed the baby, and by then....I've caught it. Or should I say, IT'S caught me.

My Second Wind.


I HATE THAT SECOND WIND!!!!

About an hour into the morning, if Chief isn't stirring, I'm starting to wain. My head starts to hurt and all those great ideas I had just an hour before, about going to the park or grocery shopping or massive cleaning...

Well. Those ideas seem pretty unrealistic and far fetched by that time.

Now. One of two things happen at this point...

A. Chief gets up and starts cooking a big breakfast and we chat in the kitchen about what the day holds, while the baby throws his cup across the room from his high chair

Or

B. Chief gets up and comes out of the bedroom fully dressed dressed with his agenda already mapped out in his head. I automatically know his agenda has something to do with being outside. Depending on the weather, it means cutting the grass, working on his truck, cleaning the outside, painting the house, or as I like to call it:

Piddling. Finding WhatEVER he can find to do as long as it's Outside and NOT Inside.
The Art and Science of Piddling; Voiding Habits of Man and Beast

Those are the days I know I may not get sleep. I plan to sleep. I really do. But as the day wears on and the kids have their own agenda, (which is never cleaning the house) sometimes I get to lie down at 4 or 5 in the afternoon. Sometimes not.

The days I come home and go straight to bed on Saturday seem to be better for sleep purposes, but Chief ends up letting me sleep ALL day and I wake up and it's dark outside. (Those are the days I have to ask him what day it is and I usually panic for a few seconds thinking I'm late getting the kids up for school unaware it's still the SAME day and they don't even have school that day.)

Umm Yeah. Those days suck just as much.

Whatever my Saturday has held, sleep or no sleep, I leave the house again at 11pm to work my Sunday shift. 

 I get home Sunday morning around 8:30 hoping everyone is already awake and on their way to getting breakfast ate and clothes on for church. I have exactly one hour to get myself ready and help Chief get the baby ready before heading to church by 10:15.

I totally forget I'm tired while at church because...well...that's just how Awesome My Church Is.
But I don't even get all the way to the car afterwards, and I start to drag. The whole drive home, which is 7 minutes, all I can do is contemplate about is how I wish the kids could cook themselves or should I give in and just pick something up. Lord Forbid if we've been invited to dinner. As much as I used to enjoy going out to eat after church, I simply can't think like that anymore.

Most of the time I have to spend atleast another hour or two helping Chief get the kids fed and the baby down for a nap, before heading to bed myself, feeling guilty about sleeping in the day AGAIN on the weekend. It's so much worse the weekends we have Sitting Bull. He lives 2 hours away and Chief usually leaves around 4pm to meet half-way. He absolutely Hates taking Hootie on this 3 hour drive because Hootie doesn't ride well and the big kids Hate sitting in the car for 3 hours. But if I keep the kids home with me, I don't get to lie down until around 8pm. I still have to leave by 11pm, so that means roughly 21/2 hours sleep....

That Kills me the weekends I didn't get to sleep on Saturday!!!

Finally my last night rolls around!!

Well.

Almost.

I work my last night, which is technically Monday morning, and arrive back home at 8:30 just in time to take my brother to school. (His scooter, yes I said scooter, died on him and he's been waiting on parts for a couple of weeks now.) Hootie and I travel back home and are left to our own devices for the remainder of the day.
 Leo Vince Scooter ZX Exhaust Pipe 2004-2005 Yamaha Vino 50 2-Stroke

We spend the day cleaning, watching Sesame Street, tying to finish projects until the kids get home at 3:30 and Chief at 4pm. By this time of my week, my brain capacity has all but shut down. I can't remember to take something out for dinner. I forget to ask the kids if they have homework. I cry inside when I say No if they ask me about going Anywhere on that day.

 By 7pm, I'm complete mush. I either make a decision to shut down and give up, or I keep trudging along with the intention of seeing them off to bed before I finally turn in at 9pm.

But that doesn't always happen. Chief and I have just spent the entire weekend not fully engaged in one another. Passing one another while mumbling reminders about who needs to go where, who's had a bath, who hasn't, and who's going to win the on-going arguement about the kids riding to drop Sitting Bull off or the kids staying home with a sleepy mama.

By Monday night, I'm missing my man. Well my brain is anyway. My body wants to miss him but can't seem to remember what pile of laundry, her libido is hiding under.

And that's usually the part where my entire system goes into shut-down mode. I can't go any more.

And I finally sleep.
In my bed.
At night.

Only to wake at 6:30 the next morning...
Get the kids off to school, feed Hootie, feel somewhat refreshed and decide enough is enough. So Tuesday usually turns into:

 "See How Many Episodes Of Sesame Street I Can Get Away With Parking Hootie In Front Of ,
So I Can Power Clean Tuesday"

Is that not The Most Aweful Mama Thing To Do Ever????


But I'm in a pickle. I have one more day of work for the week.

I have to go to work on Tuesdays from 4pm-midnight. I have a timeframe I have to go by if I'm going to get anything accomplished before having to leave for work.

The whole weekend has just been spent with the kids half reading the "Daily Chore List" and more importantly, half doing it. 

I Have to get things cleaned the right way because I've been to tired all weekend to enforce that rule in our house that says: Never Do Anything Half-Hearted....

In Chief's defense, he's done his part all weekend of being Mr. Mom but for some reason those extra body parts that men have and women don't, like the *ahemmm* Adam's Apple....Well, those body parts seem to hinder men from understanding there's more to clean than just the kitchen, the clothes, and the living room floor.

AND. Those body parts also hinder men from remembering that part of cleaning the kitchen is wiping down counters and dining room tables in order for the kitchen to be truly clean....Just Sayin'...

And I'm not done. At 3pm I leave whatever ends up not getting done, drop the baby off with my grandmother and head to work. I get home about 20 minutes after midnight to a quiet house and Chief sleeping in his chair. I take a shower, wake him up and we head to bed. Both of us tired. Too Tired for anything but sleep. Again.

Wednesday morning comes and I usually don't hear the alarm clock.  Thank Goodness Chief is there once again to pick up my slack. He usually has the kids up and they are in the kitchen getting breakfast by the time I realize it's 7am and I only have 20 minutes to spend with the kids.

Keep in mind I have no idea what they are doing with their school work because:

A. I was so tired on Monday I forgot to ask.
and
B. I was at work on Tuesday when they got off the bus.

They run over to kiss me before rushing out the door hollering behind them, things they forgot to tell me the 10 minutes they got to see me. (5 minutes was spent going to the bathroom, 5 minutes getting Hootie out of the crib and changing his diaper, leaving me only 10 minutes.)

Things like "Don't forget about Axis tonight." (Wed. night church for the teens) and "I need glue sticks and my lunch account is almost empty."

I close the door and sit down in Chief's chair feeling defeated.

Feeling like the worst mom in the world.

And look at this house!
Did I not clean yesterday?
Why do they constantly fold the clothes and not put them away?
Oh wait. That was the pile of folded clothes I saw sitting on the floor in front of my closet. They were in Chief's way when he stumbled from the chair to the bed at 1:15 this morning after I finally finished my shower and woke him up to come to bed.

Atleast I got 4 hours of sleep....
At night.
In the bed at the same time as my husband....sorta....

The emotions of sleeplessness and fatigue come crashing down on my at that very moment.
Every Wednesday Morning.

And I cave.

I give in to it.

I retreat into my very own pity party where I am the VIP guest.

I hate being the only one invited.
So I instantly decide to hypothetically invite everyone in my household.
And they come. Well into my thoughts they come.

And as I look around the living room at the half-hearted attempt to

fold and put away clothes,

the cup left beside the snack wrapper on the end table next to Chief's chair,

the 5 lonesome socks thrown at the foot of the stairs with no mate,

and the firetruck sitting in the middle of the floor daring to be moved,

I start turning the VIP status over to everyone else that occupies our home.

 I let my mind start the blame game.

I give a name to every out of place article in the living room based on who I Know left it there.

 I start feeling over-whelmed at how much there is to do in the house because I've basically been M.I.A. for the past 5 days, either physically or mentally.

And I take the pity party back and encompass it around me because after all it's not their fault.

I'm The Mom.
And as The Mom, I haven't:

Been here physically or mentally to teach them how to properly clean.

To praise them for their efforts.

To go over spelling homework.

To cook something for dinner besides spaghetti, tuna helper, or whatever meat we have and the same 2 vegetables, corn and green beans.

To make sure the baby had a proper night-time routine of bath time and good smelly lotion to make his skin soft since it's so cold outside.

To read Runs With Scissors a book before bedtime.

To sit on Missy T's bed and gossip about her life in middle school before kissing her good night.

To curl up on the couch with my husband and forget what show we're watching because we have so much
to talk about before deciding to go to bed. Together. And Talk some more.


As much as I want to continue this One Man Fiesta, I'm torn out of my thoughts when I realize Hootie is still in his high chair in the kitchen.

Alone.

Standing in his high chair.

Throwing his cereal to the puppy anxiously waiting at his feet.

And laughing.

And at that moment I decide the most important thing at that very second is not

Unloading the dishwasher.

It's not sweeping the floor.
(Echo can take care of that. He's already started with the cereal.)

It's not putting the clothes in their proper place.

The most important thing at that moment is about to fall backwards out of his high chair, and as his mom, my most important job at that very moment is to forget about the last 5 days and all my failures, grab him tight and smother him with kisses before taking him to the living room floor and pulling out every toy we can find.

With the t.v. off and our imaginations on.
Soyo SYXRT4791AB 47-Inch LCD HDTV

I spend the rest of the day going over homework, cooking dinner, pretending I'm a Stay At Home Mom.
A Good One...

Thursday is spent with a clear mind from enough sleep but a seeping guilt about not cleaning the day before.

And a nagging knowledge that whatever time I just had off to try and make up all the lost relationship building time, house cleaning time, striving to be a good wife and mom time, will be gone as of 11pm.

And it starts all over again.

And I hate it.


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4 comments:

Chief said...

bless your heart. you have quite the daunting schedule! I admire your tenacity and will to spend time with your kids

Freddae' said...

Oh my gosh...you need a day at the spa. I know it's hard to juggle it all and I'll keep you in my prayers. Bless you for all the love you have for your family.

moonduster said...

Oh honey, that's just awful! Try and remember that your house does not need to be clean at all times, and your kids know how hard you are working. The fact that you WANT to spend time with them counts too.
(((hug)))

adrienzgirl said...

Good Golly! It's a good thing we have auto-pilot as moms!