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Wednesday, December 30, 2009


I love you.
I love you with every inch of me.
I love you more than I know how to say.

I'm so thankful that we decided to go on this journey together.
I'm so thankful that you've been open to anything I suggest.
I'm so thankful that you try and don't EVER give up.

I wish I could erase your past. I wish I knew the words to help you stop living your today based on your yesterday. I wish I could do that for myself.

I thank you for always reminding them, that we are in this for the long haul.
I thank you for always eventually being able to bring yourself around and see other points of view.

I can't tell you how much I hate when we have breakdowns in communication.
I can't tell you how much it hurts me during those times, that we let things get so out of hand without taking time to slow down in the moment.

I know this is a growing process.
I know that I have to acknowledge more the steps forward, rather than remind you of the steps back.

I hate that it seems those moments are far to easy to remember.
I hate that it seems some steps have gotten stuck.

We can't expect our kids to feel secure enough to allow us to guide them,
when they aren't secure that we are in fact an us. 

It doesn't matter that our grown-up brains understand exactly where we stand. It doesn't matter that we know a disagreement is only that, and not the beginnings of the end of us.
All they know is that it's happened before. Their home has been taken away. Their world torn apart. So our arguements are always a sign of the end in their mind.

We have to do a better job of making our home a safe haven for everyone.
In my opinion, that means it is our job to truly keep revisiting those issues that haven't been able to leave our minds.

You have the same complaints over and over.
You have the same issues with me time and again,
As I have with you.
How can we get past that?

I know where the answers lie.
I know what great strides we have made in joining together in making Christ the center of our home.
I also know how powerful our old ways can be.

I know how hard some of those days were while we journeyed through The Love Dare.
I thank you for talking about it the other day in the store, while we spent the whole day together alone.  It allowed us to be in our true hearts and minds without the stress of the house.

But the reality is, that our reality, IS our home.
It's our children, our laundry, our bills, our schedules and most importantly, our respect for eachother.
And as easy as it is to get caught in all that entails...

We have to have days like we did the other day.

We have to  stop. 
close the door. 
say sorry. 
don't say at all. 
keep our voices low.
remove some vocabulary.
remove some mindsets.
remember the beginning.
plan for the future.
 pray together.
 lean on one another.
give strength when the other has none.

Only then will our children feel secure with us.
Only then will they know what we've Always known.

We will always be an us.

Here's to a GREAT 2010 BABY!



Chief said...

What a beautiful letter.

I tried not to think you were talking to me through the whole thing though! lmao

Menopausal New Mom said...

That was a very honest and open letter you wrote and very good advice. I loved the ending of how to make 2010 better. I need to take that advice myself. Here's to a happy and healthy 2010!

Missy said...

Beth, I have SO enjoyed reading your letters. I have read them all and cried like a baby.
Your a very talented writer.
I hope you and your family have a very BLESSED & PROSPEROUS new year!!!