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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Shut Yo' Mouth Saturday


20 Stress-Free Ways, The UNTANGLED Girl Prepares For Thanksgiving


 1. Call your local HoJo and reserve a room. (This should be atleast 20 minutes away, but still in a good area of town.)

 2. Be nice to your husband and pack his bag along with the kids bags. As an added testiment of love, you can even load them into the car.

 3. Turn your phone on silent and hide the laptop under the sofa cushion. (If you follow my rules, it won't
     matter that you've put the laptop in a dangerous spot because you won't have time to sit on the couch and
     risk crushing your only means of sanity.)

 4. Turn up your favorite Christmas music(ummm hello....I got it. I don't need you to tell me we're talkin'
      about Thanksgiving, mmmmkay?) and pull out granma's cookbook.  Set them next to the Clorox wipes
      and Mr. Clean.

 5. Take a 10 min. break and have some coffee. 
(What??? That was a lot to do in 5 steps...)

 6. Start in ONE room and ONE room only. This CANNOT be the living room or the bedroom because
     you run the risk of either sitting on the laptop or accidentally falling on the bed while trying to make it,
     and mysteriously falling asleep. For 4 hours...

 7. To kill 2 birds with one stone, I suggest starting in the kitchen. I've timed myself before. It takes exactly 2
     minutes to unload the dishwasher. Wipe down the counters with Clorox wipes, cut potatoes in half and
     put them on to boil. (You can peel them later, noone will know.) Get your turkey out of the fridge and
     set in sink.

 8. Plug in your vacuum and use attachment to "sweep" okay "suck" entire kitchen floor. Whatever. Don't tell
     me I'm the only one on the planet who does this...Put mop in the bathtub and run hot water to clean
     kitchen floors. (Ummm hello? The turkey is in the sink...) Pour Mr. Clean and proceed to mop.

 9. Move into the bathroom and decide you absolutely ARE NOT cleaning pee off the rim of the toilet
     and decide to clean the sink and tub instead, leaving the toilet for your husband.

10. Move into the living room and start picking up toys before remembering your coffee is getting cold.
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15. Get back on track by taking the laptop cord and putting it in your car. Don't forget to lock the doors.

16. Clean the rest of the house, throw a load of laundry in before remembering your favorite show is
      about to start.

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20. Take a shower and crawl into bed at 8pm. (Something you haven't been able to do in the past ten
      years because it takes 2 hours to get the kids ready for bed and the kitchen straightened before
     you finally throw yourself in the bed sometime after 11pm.)

    You need plenty of rest before tomorrow, because it  takes a  lot of energy  to listen to your husband         whine and moan when you tell him the turkey is ready to be seasoned and  thrown in the oven.


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4 comments:

adrienzgirl said...

You are so funny!

Chief said...

see I think i even have a better way...

get up

read the paper

eat cereal in bed

shower

get dressed

go to moms for Thanksgiving dinner


P.S. Thanks for the blogging tips BTW

TangledEutopia said...

Amen to that sister!!!
(to the part about me being funny, not going to mom's for thanksgiving dinner...)

KIDDING!!! I KILL ME...

Menopausal New Mom said...

I'm exhausted just reading all of that! I think I'd just call Molly Maid and lock myself in a room with the laptop while they cleaned the house!