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Saturday, October 3, 2009

Hormones, Boob Jobs And The KKK

I've been needing to make an appointment to see the doctor.  For a year.  But I haven't called.  Because it's this particular doctor I've been dreading to see. Scared of what he will tell me. 

But I finally realized that I have to take charge of my life. I have to stop letting my life. No. I have to stop letting events in my life dictate who I am.
When I'm happy
when I'm sad
 I'm learning everyday that God is who gives me these emotions and God will take care of my mind, my heart, and my body.

And I made the appointment.  I made several appointments actually. One to my heart doctor who ran a Berkeley blood panel and full blood work-up. One to my OB/GYN for my yearly well-woman and these crazy hormone issues, and one to my plastic surgeon who I'll discuss after I vent...

I was so extremely proud of myself!

While I was in the waiting room,
I happened upon an article in a magazine about a
family member of Chief's that utterly stunned me.
I couldn't believe what I was looking at!
I took it out of this post to conserve space.
So you can go read it here: KKK.

Back to the doctor...

After texting Chief and sending pictures of what I saw in the magazine,  I was finally called back.
 I saw this doctor a couple of years ago because
I received Breast Implants for my 30th birthday!!!.
(Thanks baby!)

But when I became pregnant with Hootie, my left breast slowly (so slowly I didn't notice) became wedged in place. In a HIGH place. It formed scar tissue around it and became stuck.
Up High
And now my boobs are lop-sided. (Like my intellectual wording for this post?)
And it is putting pressure on my chest. Pressure that feels like it's my heart and not my chest cavity.

Just so you know, I wanted and had this surgery
not ONLY for cosmetic reasons,
but because I had lost 130lbs. and NEEDED this surgery.

He told me what I thought he would.
Even though I have pain, it's not medical and insurance will not cover any part of removing or replacing it.
But he's giving me a "deal" because he goes way back with Chief's dad, like he did for the original surgery.
I trust what this doctor says.

He was ELVIS' plastic surgeon.
He did ALL the boob jobs for ELVIS' girlfriends back in the day.
I trust him. (Hopefully, he's kept himself up on the new technologies since the 70's??)

The Berkeley is a blood test that breaks down all the way to the cellular level to see if you are genetically pre-disposed to anything, especially heart disease. My BFF works for my heart doctor and she called today while on my way to the OB/GYN to inform that she faxed the results. Thyroid, hormone levels all good. They always are. Which makes it THAT much more difficult to understand WHY I feel the way I do every single month around period time...

She told me the test showed I AM genetically pre-disposed to Coronary Heart Disease. Talk about ruining your day!
I go in to the OB, find out I've lost another 7lbs., get undressed and sit. And Wait. Remember now, that I just Got Off Work. And even had to stay over 2 hours for a meeting. It is now close to 11am Friday morning, which means I haven't been to sleep since I woke up Thursday morning, some 29 hours ago...I'm drained.

The door shuts, and I'm in the room alone.
My thoughts lead to sleep but without warning, I simply start sobbing.
I'm physically tired, mentally tired, emotionally tired.
If it weren't around period time, I would have taken any and all news much better.
But it's not.
And I sob.
Which turns into full-on, snot comin' out the nose, mascara everywhere, Crying.
And then the Doctor walks in. Ofcourse he does....

He does my pap, an hpv viral test, hands me an RX for an antidepressant and I go home.

I don't get to sleep until around 2ish. Sleep til 10pm when my family comes home to inform me that they went to my little brothers' surprise birthday party without me.

It's not been a good day.

I know this is a SEASON, and I'm trusting God will see fit to lead me out of this when HE'S ready....
But I wish he would hurry.