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Sunday, August 9, 2009

Girly Secrets And My 6 Inches...

So that other post told you the 1st of the 2 secret "whats". What is the why, you ask? The reality has a lot to do with the 2nd secret "what." I'll get to that later. Doing a photo shoot in that realm would solidify in my mind, that I had finally made it to the SIZE I need to be, to make those photos beautiful and not gag me with a spoon laughable.

And please don't give me any garbage about how it's all in a person's head and you can be confident at any size. I completely understand that. But hello? Not everyone that reads this will understand. because not everyone that reads this knows me personally, but I've been there. 13 years ago, when I was 19, I lost 130lbs.

Did you hear me?
130lbs. people.
So I've been there.
My ol' southern grandaddy used to tell me it was all between my 6 inches. He meant all in my head.
He would say "Scooter Bill, if you would get those 6 inches right, you'd lose all the other inches." I know you're still stuck on why he would call me Scooter Bill....Honestly, I have no idea and I never asked. And sadly, I can't ask him because he passed away just shy of 2 months ago. So THANKS for making me think about that and get all teary eyed while I write this post....Just kidding.

Back to the subject. And just so you know, I have the right to be frank about this. I weighed 300lbs. before losing all my weight, so yea, I have the right.

I won't speak for anyone but myself. But there is some unwritten code of unity that fat people share, I think.

Sorta like someone spotting the son of their church organist at a gentlemen's club. Their eyes meet, and they both instantly freeze with fear. But then realize, if one tells his mom about seeing the other at a strip club, then she will know HER SON was at the strip club. So the next time they see eachother at church, they just ignore one another, with this unspoken unity.

(Get the picture now?) Fat people know the secret habits of one another but would never bust another out for fear that they too, would be found out. And it doesn't matter that I'm no longer considered that fat person, my 6 inches is still pretty much the same. AND it was totally made worse when I got pregnant with Hootie and gained like 40lbs. Okay, 50lbs.

But I've really been trying hard this past year to take it back off. And I've lost about 40lbs, but what I forgot to say is that I was the same weight for 9 years before having an IUD put in at the same time I met Chief, which made me gain about 30lbs. in 2 years. But I just blame it on meeting Chief and getting comfortable, Not the IUD....oops...(how did I forget that, silly me) I have a closet full of clothes that I can't wear and I refuse to buy more unless I just absolutely have to! I've set myself small goals which has made it that much easier to attain each one I get to. Right now, I've got 2lbs. until I reach a HUGE milestone to which I will have a party. Okay, a party within myself, (my 6 inches) but I promise someone in my neighborhood will hear my hollerin'....

This milestone will be a mark in my life. A mark that I vow, I will never again see THAT number on the scale as long as I live. HHHHMMM, that leads me to Secret #2....

There's a guy who runs a BOOT CAMP in my city. I get his newsletters, I read his posts. I want to join sooooo freakin' bad. BUT. (you knew there was a but)

I'm terrified.

There I said it. I keep making up so many excuses.

I'll have to drive 20 minutes.
I'll have to get up at 4:30am.
I don't know what my work schedule is going to be in the fall.
He's a former Marine. What if he yells at me and says "Get down and give me 20, FatA**."

Okay, really. He's Christian and the Boot Camp is at a Christian Church, so I don't think he'll be calling me any names like that, but you can never be sure....

All these stupid excuses when my 6 inches tells me that if I were to make MYSELF a priority, all the excuses would find their place....

So there you have it. Now you know my 2 secrets. Now I guess I have to do them both. And blog about it....



1 comment:

One Sassy Girl said...

Ha ha, this cracked me up. And it was so honest, so thanks for that. Good luck with everything, I get where you're coming from.