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Friday, July 3, 2009


This Is Where HOT PINK Gets Really Sexy......

13.I immediately return to my daily list because I know by this time I have only about 3 more hours before I have to leave for work. I forgot to mention at some point between the start of the video and lunch, Miss Talks-A-Lot begins to stir and make her way downstairs. Usually just after I've left the kitchen, so poor thing is forced to make her 11 year old butt breakfast/lunch on her own. Or Not. Sometimes I'll head back in with the understanding that she keep an eye on Hootie.

14.Hootie's nap is usually over by 1:30-2pm and my last stint of cleaning frenzy is over also. The time has come to get dressed for work. My brother has been coming over to stay with the kids for about an hour between the time I have to leave and Chief gets home. Otherwise they are packed into the car and taken to whatever designated area has been preset to wait for Chief to pick them up and bring them right back home. Whatever has not been done cleaning wise, will have to wait until the next day. WAIT. Why would it be over for the day, you ask??? Don't I have a husband who gets home by 4pm who could start the 2nd leg of THE EFFICIENT RUNNING OF THE HOUSE? Why yes I do. Because we all know laundry doesn't just disappear into some cubby in the clouds to await the safe return of The Woman Of The House the next day.... It sits right where it was last laid. Which in my house is usually in the hamper under the vanity in the bathroom or God forbid in front of the washing machine. And even though our main entry door is straight into the laundry room which leads into the dining/kitchen area, NOONE seems to see the poor neglected laundry except for you guessed it....The Woman Of The House.

Now let me give credit where credit is due. Chief is excellent about doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen. It's those other little harder-to-see things that just don't seem to find their way on any list he might make. Scratch that. Chief doesn't make lists.

So remember that hot pink list way up there at the top of this post? Well obviously that dorky actor from the movie Honey, I Shrunk The Kids lives next door to us and waits until I pull out of the driveway at 3pm, to rush over and shine his shrinking machine into the window of my house and magically shrinks every single thing on that hot pink list for exactly 9.5 hours. I mean come on people....Chief has been working hard at that place he goes to 8 hours a day for MONEY. It's time to relax when he gets home.

So exactly 9.5 hours after dorky neighbor actor guy is spotted leaving my yard, every single chore on that hot pink list balloons back to normal human size and happily awaits the return of The Woman Of The House at FREAKIN' 12:30 AM. That's twelve thirty in the middle of the night people.

And wouldn't you know, they think it's my birthday EVERY night!! Why? You Dare Ask? Because they jump out and yell SURPRISE in all their hot pink glory as soon as I walk in the door (of the laundry room.) So even at 12:30, that's AM people, I am fully aware of their presence and their need to be attended to after being neglected for so many hours by those mean big humans in the house that constantly walk past them and ignore them. (After all, the shrinking machine DID shrink them down to almost invisible...) On top of every single little needy hot pink piece of list up there (Hey, get your mind out of the gutter. I said "PIECE OF LIST" not "PIECE OF A-nything ELSE") Mr. Shower is usually quietly calling my name because although Hootie might have enjoyed playing in his tub earlier that day. Scratch that....earlier the day BEFORE, mama did not.

By the time I've quieted all of these needy little monsters, I am finally free to walk around, check the doors, turn the tv off and usually wake Chief up off the couch before crawling into bed around 1:30am. That's AM people......So there is not ONE bone in my body that feels guilty for Hootie waking up at 8:30 instead of our usual 6am during the school year.

Notice I didn't even mention actually working for MONEY those 8 hours I'm away from all the joy of The Efficient Running Of The House? Probably because as I write this little piece of insight, I am completing hour 15 of a "Can you please work a double because so-and-so is out on medical leave" 16 hour shift.

Hhhhmmm, makes me wonder what kind of HAVOC that little hot pink list conjured after magically ballooning up to normal human size after 9.5 hours, only to find a bunch of normal human size people that only resembled The Woman Of The House, but acted nothing like her?
I'm sure they texted their friends, you know, the baby blue list, and asked if they wanted to come hang out until That Woman got home.....
The baby blue list had to make sure they were all available, so after checking with the
dirty towels, the mini blinds, Mr. ceiling fan, and the most famous of them all, Ol' Fridgy they all trudged on over to sit and wait...

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