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Friday, July 3, 2009

HOT PINK IS SEXY....PART 1

Let me start off by stating the following:

I AM NOT BEING CYNICAL OR SARCASTIC.
(Go look it up) Nooo, not you reading.
That was for YOU. YOU know who YOU are....Mr. Syllabus Man....

I'd like to give a run down of a typical day now that I've changed my schedule so I can be home with the kids during the summer.
Why?
Why? Am I doing this?
Because today when I asked Chief to help me look for the adapter for our video camera, he NOT SO calmly yelled into the living room (after looking for about 10 minutes,) "Why aren't you up looking for it too." And before I could respond, he threw in "Oh yeah, because you're always on the computer."

I'm going to be a lot nicer with my written word than I was with my (aahhemm) spoken word......

"Are you kidding me?"
"Are you FREAKIN' kiddin' ME?"


(HOT PINK ALERT HOT PINK ALERT)


Have you looked at the floors lately? At the toilet? At the kitchen island? (yes, we have a kitchen island honey...you just couldn't see it before) I'll continue....Have you run your finger along the fireplace mantle? The sofa table? Have you put on clean underwear lately? I am ABSOLUTELY positive you haven't noticed that the dust along the baseboards, yes all of them, has magically disappeared.



Okay, clear your head Beth....Back to the schedule....

1.I have been waking up when Hootie wakes up(which is soooo nice since I get off work at midnight)


2.I hear him on the monitor, I get up go to the restroom, brush my teeth, throw some water on my face, go back into my room to throw his basket on my bed (I'll explain down there) and always make it a point to BUST in his door and make a Huge ta-do when I say


"GOOD MORNING MONKEY!!!"

"HOW'S MY SWEET BABY THIS MORNING?"

He's usually jumping up and down in the crib and laughing
so hard by that time, I'm afraid if he gets taller, he will jump right out.


3.We go straight back to my bed where his basket of diapers, wipes, creams, and warm washcloth are waiting.
He gets a good diaper change, a good warm rubdown
(would you want to lie in pee all night? Didn't think so...)
usually a change of clothes if needed,
along with tons of kisses from mommy and some good phonics conversation.


4.We took him off formula a couple of days ago, but the bottle is proving harder to get away from. The spouts in sippy cups are just so big and he chokes. PLUS his new soy milk is wayyyyy thinner than his formula and in his opinion wayyyyy to cold. So I warm it up so he can take a couple of drinks before throwing it on the floor while I'm cooking his breakfast for the morning. Our new breakfast routine is relatively new. We used to go straight from mommy's bed to fix bottle, before settling into daddy's camo chair for the morning bottle. Now it's straight to the high chair and the conversation is much better!!


5.So we have breakfast, he is a good high chair sitter while I try to sneak in the FIRST of the morning chores like letting the dog out, loading or unloading the dishwasher, retrieving the dishes that are ALWAYS left in the living room next to Chief's camo chair. (Soooo NOT a pet peeve of mine, I swear.)


6.We haven't completely figured out etiquette when it comes to real food like eggs, pancakes, or toast so after breakfast it's straight to the bath.



7.After his bath, we go straight back to my bed where this kid receives the BEST lotion rubdown ANY day spa could offer. Then we spend Hootie's coveted time with the almighty HAIRDRYER. Not because he has any hair to speak of, but because I have this compulsion to make sure he's completely dry and he has a compulsion to lie still while the yummy heat sweeps over his little body making sure every crevice is dry. The warmth really comforts him. Finally, I dress him and head to the living room.



8.Babysitter time!! He loves his Sesame Street or Baby Phonics and I love that it enables me about 30 minutes to head back into all the parts of the house we just left, to straighten up. His play yard is a fixture in our living room for the moment, so I'm comforted that he is locked down while I roam the house in a frenzy to start the morning clean up.


9.At this point, about 1 1/2 hours have passed with total devotion spent only on Hootie. It's usually close to 10am by this point. I've had my morning coffee and meds, and I'm ready to get moving.


10.There's no rhyme or reason to the madness. I basically just look around and see what needs to be done. Most of the time I've started a list, talked to Chief to say our "Good Mornings" and I'm off and running. This morning it just happened to be the floors, the bathroom, and Hootie's bedroom.


11.Lately I've been keeping my cell phone handy (since I can't find the adapter to the video camera) always trying to capture his first steps, which have not yet been taken. Mostly I've gotten a lot of video of the back of his head and my loud mouth while he is ignoring my prompts to walk toward me. He seems to be more attracted to finding DVD's he can throw on the floor or Wii cords he can try to get into his mouth before I rush to yank them away. He will usually sit still for about 45 seconds of a book before he is ready to move on to the next bigger better item that catches his eye. If the weather is nice, (which it hasn't been lately unless you have a sick obsession with how hot HELL is going to be.) we will venture outside to sit on the porch and work on our (outdoor) words like bird, tree, and grass. For some reason it doesn't matter what word I say right now, every repition he gives me back is the same. I say bird he says hot, I say tree he says hot, I say grass he says hot.


12.Usually by this time, it's time for lunch, so back to the high chair we go. Afterwards he is ready for a nap.


DISCLAIMER: Sorry folks, for your own safety and sanity, I've broken this post into 2 parts because otherwise I would get really nasty emails and comments about how inappropriate it is to write full length novels in a Blog.....So if you wish to continue reading,


Click Here


Otherwise, come back when you have nothing inside your brain to obstruct the viewing of this well intended and (still not cynical or sarcastic) post.....

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