So I wrote this last week, but wanted to wait and post it until after I read it to my grandmother. But after printing it, I was asked to read it at my grandfathers' funeral. Yesterday was bitter sweet. I'm sad, but sad for myself and my family. I'm not sad for my grandfather because I know that he knew, he lived a full life. Thank You Grandaddy. For It All!!!
If you know me, you know Billy wasn't just my grandfather. He was my father, my confidant, my kid watcher, my kid lover, my savior, my boxing coach, my teacher, and in so many ways by definition, my best friend. He didn't have to be these things, but he just was. He always saw the world with fresh open eyes. The glass was always full. Never half full. He instilled confidence in me to fight any situation because he knew how to show me God's love. If you EVER met him, you never forgot him! I had a certain peace in my life knowing I had my mother and her father to comfort me through times of uncertainty. I always felt comfort in their answers, their advice, their solution. They were never waivering in their confidence of how to control a situation. Since my mom died, I've had a sense of emptiness of knowing how to handle the world as it is thrust in my face. But my mind would immediately remind me that she was taught by her biggest supporter, her teacher. She lived her life in the exact same way I have, with the knowledge that if life becomes to unbearable, if the answers seem not to be there, you turn to God and Grandaddy. There's one last person that I feel that way about, so Kevin, you better not go ANYWHERE. I have been blessed by these people who live their lives with this type of confidence, knowledge, and ability that not only showed me the right path, but comforted me in knowing I was making the right decisions and that God approved of those decisions.
I have felt so many extremes of emptiness since yesterday morning. My over analytical side has been running numbers in my head like some crazy mathematician counting how many babies we need born into our family to continue balance. Crazy huh? But my emotional side keeps telling me how sad I am with the thought of any new members of my family never having the privelege to feed off the brain of who I have been so blessed to have in my life. The only solution to this problem when I think about my brothers, myself, and my cousin....ya know, the original members.....is to soak up every second of this wealth that has beseeched our family so that I can download it into my brain to pass it on to my children. Noah is going to be fine because of who his parents are. I can only pray that Miss Talks-A-Lot, Runs With Scissors, and Hootie will feel the magnitude of love, comfort, wisdom, and confidence I have felt throughout my life. I can only pray that I have hidden in my DNA, enough of the positives my mom and my grandaddy gave me, to pass on to them. I can only pray that daily, they soak up the memories, the positive life skills, and attributes they get to experience daily with their grandmothers, aunts, and uncles and hide them in their hearts for when the day comes that they have to pull from themselves, what they've been taught and go forth into the world equipped with only confidence and memories.
Thank you Grandaddy for giving that to my mother who gave that to me, so I can give that to my children.
The Circle of Life Truly is Beautiful.