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Monday, January 5, 2009

Tangled Hormones


October 24, 2008-Friday
The Word of the Day is....

So, you know when your life starts spinning out of control because you've stopped paying attention to it?? You get so caught up IN your life, that you forget to every now and then, take a step back, breathe, and re-evaluate.

I'm there. Houston has been such a huge blessing. I can't imagine my life without him now that he's here. I never had any form of post-partum with my bigger kids, but man I've had it with him. You have to think though, EVERY aspect of my life is different than the last time I had a baby.

There's a new husband, I'm working, I have 2 older kids that still need me just as much as the day before I had him, my mom is gone, my dad is gone, Shane is gone, Anthony is around every now and then. Everything is different. I'm not handling it so well some days. BUT then there are those days that all seems right with the world. Go Figure.......

**Beth knows she has some negative internal dialogue goin' on. She is fully aware of how to fix EVERYTHING. The issue becomes taking it from internal to outward and giving verbs to this thought process. **

I won't bore you with details about how hormones work in a woman's body, but just know, they are potentially more harmful than Cancer or HIV. Promise. So right now, my internal dialogue are patiently (okay, not patiently) waiting for whatever is going to happen, to hurry up and happen. Whether that is waiting for me to be far enough outside of the post-baby-having time zone, or far enough outside the post-ensuringIhavenomorebabies- time zone, I don't know. All I know is that I am waiting. Waiting for my hair to stop falling out, my butt to go back to the way it was, waiting for my emotions to get into check, waiting for STELLA to return to her dorm room at the University of Hormones. She is majoring in a new degree program called MakeUrFamilyCrazyPsychology 101.

I've never in my life been able to start writing something and have my emotions change 4 different times within the course of one writing! This is NOT one of the good parts of being a woman.....And believe me, I've had so many thoughts about why I can't seem to like my self-image at this moment. I've come to the conclusion, that it honestly has nothing to do with "other" women, or how "other" women look. It has everything to do with knowing what I am capable of. I've been there. I have the picture of me and MKG to prove it....

My poor babies and my poor husband have become innocent victims in these drive-by shootings and I'm sure they are tired from having no warning of when to rush inside out of the line of fire. Luckily my thoughts haven't turned horrific like "where can I find cyanide" horrific. Yet, they are equally as harmful on some levels. I've had MAJOR talks with God lately, and profusely apologized for taking a break from Him, when He never took a break from me. And He assures me, that by handing Him the wheel, and not trying to control the direction of my journey, He will get me there smoothly. With the baton pass-off, we have collectively decided that our family needs more spiritual growth. We've started going to a new church, a non-denominational, multi-cultural church and I promise, it's like going to a concert every Sunday. I'm in love....

Every aspect of every fiber of my being right now, boils down to one word. So children, the word of the day is CONSISTENCY. Now we will use it in a sentence.....

What do motivational seminars/speakers and food have in common? Using both in healthy consistency will ensure longevity of a positive life.

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